Monday, June 7, 2010

I've Been Getting it All Wrong...

This morning I was skimming through a 1999 prayer journal and stopped short at a lengthy discussion I had with the Lord that went something like this::
"Lord, I feel like I am not doing enough for your kingdom and I need to know how I can be more diligent"
"I no longer call you servant, but friend."
"Yeah, I know Lord, but there are some decisions I need to make about my time and your work and..."
"Tricia, you are my friend. I have come to dine with you, and I'd like to just sit here awhile and enjoy your company, but you keep getting up to do the dishes."

As I read those words, I suddenly had an epiphany of sorts, which I want to share, but first I have a confession to make. I haven't enjoyed my focus on 'living intentionally' these first six months of 2010 and if I'm honest, haven't been very successful at the whole thing. For several days I've been frustrated at this, asking the Lord why it wasn't going so well, when I felt confident He had led me on this venture. He wasn't answering, that is, until I found the old journal entry.

So here was the epiphany: I've been focusing on being intentional about the wrong thing. For me, being intentional has meant trying to make the most of each day, looking for opportunities to accomplish the Lord's purposes -- from conversations to finances to time management and beyond. Now there's nothing inherently wrong in this, but somewhere in the process I slipped slightly off course and the things I felt I needed to do became front and center. What I really needed was to be intentional about pressing into my intimacy with Jesus, and letting everything else flow out of that.

This is so basic you'd think I'd have it down by now, but there you have it. I have had the cart before the horse, so to speak, and I suspect some of you have done the same thing.

As I've looked at 2010 and compared it to 2009, I realized that when I was passionate about learning how to 'live loved', I knew the joy of Jesus' presence, of His desire to be with me, and as a result, was eager to walk with Him throughout each day, looking for His hand, experiencing His heart. And in the process, I ended up being far more intentional than I've been this year, when I've been trying so hard to be intentional.

So here is my commitment for the next six months of 2010: I am going to be as intentional as I can to dine with Christ --to walk with Him, enjoy His presence, learn of His heart and feast on the riches of His grace. And as I do, perhaps all those areas of my life that I've purposed to put under His control, will find a more natural fit.

My step is lighter today and I feel like I've thrown off a nagging weight. We are leaving today for a week on the Northern California coast where there will be no cell phone coverage and limited internet. I plan to put my new resolution into practice as I stand on the rocky cliffs and gaze out at the sea. I can't wait. I'll let you know how it went when I come back -- until then, I hope you can rest a little easier too and enjoy being intentional about knowing Jesus.


  1. Tricia, I am so thankful for your beautiful, honest heart. Your blog has freed me as i ponder the exact questions. My year started with the word 'intimacy', only days before you launched your 'living intentionally' resolution. I have been following along, but focussing more on 'doing the dishes' than i have on 'sitting at His feet'. Thank you for articulating this struggle. It frees me to launch out of my 'doing' and begin 'being'.

  2. Excellent and exactly what I needed to hear/read. :) Thanks for your honest heart and for helping put it all in perspective. The intentionality should be about sitting at Jesus' feet. I commit to that too!

  3. To "dine with Christ"... really struck me. One of my favorite things to do with my husband is to have a meal out--- to dine with him. I want to sit with this image more in relation to God. To have dinner out with Jesus, to date Him... this phrase seems to be bringing home the concept of "sitting at His feet" more tangibly. To feast with Him, my Jesus.... Thank you.

  4. Great post Tricia! Encourages us come back to the center of Christ where and from Whom all spiritual blessings truly flow because they are "in" Him. This dining with Christ, sitting with Him, pursuing Him, is what we are endeavoring to learn together as a church in honor of His Headship. All the other stuff will flow from encountering and enjoying Him "in" Whom is our life.

    Northern Cal? If you come up to Crescent City, drop me a line and I'll be happy to show you around.

    Your brother and His,

    Clark ""

  5. loved this post ... especially the very first part which absolutely spoke to my heart

    I came to spend time with you but you keep getting up to do the dishes!


  6. Wow, Tricia. You said it perfectly. FROM Him flow our intentions. How our focus can change amidst our intentions. Speaks to how He loves us though, when we get restless with Him and press in, He brings revelation. As we seek to find His heart BEFORE our endeavors, as our delight is in desiring Him. I have been in such a desperate place, that each morning as I take His Hand and clutch it through out the day, walking in step with Him - out of this desperate knowledge that I won't get through without Him,a reality that has driven me to Him, a strange thing has been occuring...I have had more opportunities to radiate His heart and testify to Him, nothing has changed except that I find myself desperate to not let go of HIs hand. It is as though, these are His encounters with people and I am there because I am holding His hand. I want this to remain, I don't want it to disappear as I get stronger in the healing process.I desire to remain desperate, desperately intentional in dining with Him. Thanks Tricia for sharing, through it clarity has come.

  7. Thank you for your honesty! I think you've struck a nerve that many of us - certainly including myself - relate to. Kingdom living is truly counter cultural - and the battle is always on to keep the first thing first!

  8. Loved reading your comments. I had a great week on the coast, each morning remembering to be intentional about doing ---- nothing at all! Just resting, enjoying the Lord and His goodness. Now to keep this going as I hit the real world!