MAMAS DON’T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE TECH-ZOMBIES

The other day I was chatting with a friend who is at his wits end with his 15-year-old.  Lamenting that his son had gotten to the point where he didn’t want to do anything but stay in his room and text friends, watch movies or play video games, my friend said he felt helpless to change things.  Every time they've tried to limit screen time for this typical teenager, not only has he become anxious and out of sorts, but the least little thing would set him off and he’d rage around the house making everyone miserable.  Grasping at straws, this frustrated mom and dad had finally put their foot down and told their son he was going to be involved in some sport the next year in school, making him so angry that he is now refusing to speak to any of them at all.   

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your generation stands in the middle of a massive shift from an analog to a digital world that affects every part of our lives, and no one has really had enough time to thoroughly think through how to handle it, or what the outcome might be if we get it wrong for these digital natives. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have never ventured into parenting advice in this blog, but because I keep hearing stories and complaints like these, and in light of some things I learned  doing research for my new book, The Wired Soul: Finding Spiritual Balance in a Hyper-Connected World (not due for release until Summer, 2016), I felt compelled to share a few thoughts.  My passion is spiritual formation for Christ-followers, and honestly--this couldn't be more relevant.  If this doesn’t apply to your life situation, perhaps you can pass it on—someone will be glad you did! 

If you have kids anywhere from one to eighteen, I believe

their ever-increasing compulsion to engage with technology--smartphones, computers, tablets, video games etc.-- is the greatest parenting challenge you face.  As I shared with my troubled friend that day—your generation stands in the middle of a massive shift from an analog to a digital world that affects every part of our lives, and no one has really had enough time to thoroughly think through how to handle it, or what the outcome might be if we get it wrong for these digital natives.  A decade or two from now there will be an abundance of information and evidence, but for now we only know bits and pieces, so parents have to stumble along trying to figure it out as they go.  

To make matters worse, things are changing at such an exponential speed that decisions and plans today will be obsolete within a few months and you’ll have to renegotiate the entire process once again.  For example, do you have any idea what you will do when the Oculus VR becomes a household “must-have,” as it soon will, according to Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg? (If you haven’t heard of it, go ahead and Google it or click here to read Zuckerberg’s comments.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To make matters worse, things are changing at such an exponential speed that decisions and plans today will be obsolete within a few months and you'll have to renegotiate the entire process once again. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next few posts I am going to share three things that may be helpful for those  parents dealing with digital issues on a daily basis.  This post will explore why this behavioral issue is different from any other and therefore demands a clear, coherent parental strategy, the next will look at what is at stake, particularly for your child’s spiritual well-being if you don’t forge one now, and the final post will offer some practical tips on how to go about doing so. 

WHY THIS IS SO DIFFERENT

Neuroscience has made amazing strides in understanding how the brain works over the past couple of decades, which I shared in an earlier blog.  In short, our brains have the property of plasticity, which means they are constantly changing based on what we do throughout our day.  When we engage in a certain behavior over and over again, neural pathways are laid down in our brains that set a pattern for how we act, whether we are aware of it or not.  This is how you established habits like brushing your teeth or riding a bike, so that now you can do them without even thinking. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The more your kids are digitally occupied, the more they will crave the kinds of connections that can only be found via technology. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So what kinds of neural pathways are being laid down when your child engages with a screen of any sort?  Ones that support constant movement, fast mental shifting, shallow thinking, dullness and short attention spans.  And because technology so thoroughly reinforces this conglomeration of behaviors, kids (and adults as well) will come to "need" continual stimulation, and as a result,  feel as if they can’t do without their device of choice.  

No one wants to use the word addiction, because we know that we can't live in the 21st century and not be digitally engaged.  And let’s face it—what parent doesn’t need the break that these devices provide as they captivate your kids so completely?  All of this makes it easy to just give in and give up on trying to impose any kind of discipline regarding them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's face it--what parent doesn't need the break that these devices provide as they captivate your kids so completely?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PLEASE. DON’T. GIVE. UP.  The risks are just too high.  In the next post I’ll share some of what is at stake for your kids and our culture if parents don’t grab this bull by the horns and corral it now on behalf of these digital natives who have known no other kind of life.  

But for now,  be encouraged with the fact that no matter how old your kids are, or out of control things seem, no matter how frustrated you feel or what mistakes you may think you’ve made, it is never too late.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Any child's (or adult's) brain can be rewired for digital balance, and this is really good news.  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Any child's (or adult's) brain can be rewired for digital balance and this is really good news.  It may not be easy, and in fact will take a ton of courage and determination, but I promise you that you can turn things around once you have a clear strategy in place.  More about that in a later post.