SCARED TECHLESS

A few days ago I read about a BBC documentary called “Web Junkie” that tells the story of three teenagers in China who were sent to a government rehabilitation program to cure their “internet addiction.” Given last week's blog post; Momma's Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be Tech-Zombies, I felt compelled to watch it.  It was sobering, to say the least.  (I downloaded it on Vudu.com, but you can watch a trailer here.)

China, a country saturated with internet cafes where computers hold thousands of teenagers captive 24/7, has declared this a mental disorder and established dozens of boot-camp like programs where desperate parents—usually through some form of trickery—drop their kids off for a minimum of three months.  The treatment is draconian and pretty abusive, but as I listened to the parents weeping and pleading with their sons, I couldn't help but think of my friend I told you about last week, who is at his wit's end trying to figure out how to get his 15-year-old off of the web. 

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The risks are great and parents need to be aware, because the decisions you make for your kids now regarding screen-time will be critical in shaping their souls as they grow up. 

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As I shared last week, I don't normally get into parenting issues, but when I look to the future, I believe nothing threatens the spiritual life of our children, and thus our future as a whole, like the tentacles of technology that reach into every area of our lives.  The risks are great and parents need to be aware, because the decisions you make for your kids now regarding screen-time will be critical in shaping their souls as they grow up.    

One caveat before I share a little about what these risks are:  Technology is here to stay and we would be foolish to think that we can return to some simpler era or ignore the cataclysmic rate of change our children must learn to live with.  We all love the internet and the amazing possibilities opening up for us every day.  I, for one, have become smitten with Siri, my personal assistant who does the math when I double a recipe, estimates mileage and times for my family vacation, reminds me to change the laundry or make a phone call, and gets me out of more geographical jams than I care to admit.   
But this is all the more reason we need to make informed choices--so that we can give prepare our kids for what lies ahead.  As it is, they spend more time engaging with media than anything besides sleeping, according to a 2010 study that showed 8 to 10-year old's averaging eight hours a day, and older kids and teens more than eleven hours a day.  (The same study revealed that less than a third of all children said they were given limits on screen-time)

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As powerful as knowledge can be, we are formed more by what we do than what we know.  This means that no matter how much you try to teach your children or share important truths with them, in the end, their daily activities will win out in shaping the kind of people they will become.

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What this means is that very few parents today enjoy unfettered access to their child's mind and heart as previous generations did.  In the rest of this post I want to share the risks this poses, particularly as you consider your child's spiritual development.

THE RISKS OF TAKING TECHNOLOGY LIGHTLY

As I've noted over the past several months, neural pathways are formed in our brains based on our life experiences day in and day out, and this determines in large part the kind of people we are.  Because children's brains do not fully develop until their early twenties, the way that they spend their time in their early years is critical for developing lasting values and character.  As powerful as knowledge can be, we are formed more by what we do than what we know.  This means that no matter how much you try to teach your children or share important truths with them, in the end, their daily activities will win out in shaping the kind of people they will become.  

With that in mind, here is a smattering of what research is revealing happens to kids who spend too much time engaged with technology:

• Diminished imagination and creativity: too much screen time produces kids who feel bored and lost without their devices, yet have no idea how to fill the time because they never developed the imaginative capacities needed for healthy growth.
• Stunted social skills: Digital overuse makes kids less able to connect with and interpret social cues, particularly the nonverbal kind.  Since over 60% of our communication is nonverbal, this is a serious disability for navigating our world, and for healthy relationships.
• A disconnect from reality: Kids today live in two worlds--the virtual and the real, but they often do not understand the difference, and the lines are so blurred that many kids believe the virtual is more important. 
• Inability to think critically or problem-solve: Because the web fosters reading snippets and continual reliance on outside information, children are not learning how to think deeply or critically and many even resist trying.
• Anxiety and addictive behavior: As I noted last week, there is a resistance to calling screen-time addiction because we all rely on it so much.  However, all the signs are there when kids are forced to withdraw from technology.  They experience anxiety, anger, frustration, and even depression.  In fact, one important study found that resisting cravings for screen-time was harder than almost any other addiction--smoking, drinking or sex, included.

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Kids today live in two worlds--the virtual and the real, but they often do not understand the difference, and the lines are so blurred that many kids believe the virtual is more important.  

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These are only a few of the concerns--the list is really pretty lengthy.  But my purpose in this blog is to bring all of this back to our role as those whom God has called to shepherd our children's souls in ways that foster their spiritual growth and desire for relationship with him.  For those of us who have responded to God's invitation to eternal life through Jesus Christ, our heart's desire is that our kids will share our destiny of walking intimately with Jesus so that they become more like him in every way.  Jesus himself modeled what this would look like in two very simple ways.  First, he spent time alone with his Father, and second, he listened for his Father's voice as he moved and worked and interacted with others in the world.

We all know what it's like to wrestle with trying to live as Jesus did--times of solitude in God's presence are hard to come by, and the distractions of life can cause us to go through entire days or even weeks without really listening for his voice.  We've learned from experience that while God abundantly provides the grace we need; availing ourselves of that grace requires arduous and intentional discipline.  But for children who from birth have been immersed in a digital universe, the neural pathways that are being deeply formed in their brains will make this almost impossible.

Of course God is far more powerful than technology, and given the brain's plasticity, change will always be possible. But when we have the privilege of paving the way for our kids to more readily respond to God's grace, why not do everything possible to that end?  In short, I believe that the greatest risk we incur by not managing our kid's digital lives, is that it will be more difficult for them than any previous generation to engage in a transforming relationship with Christ.  

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In short, I believe that the greatest risk we incur by not managing our kid's digital lives, is that it will be more difficult for them than any previous generation to engage in a transforming relationship with Christ.  

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In the next post I will offer some ideas on how you can handle this cultural phenomenon in a way that fits your family.  But let me end with this: Everything I have written about our children is true for you and me as well--the risks are the same.  We too are entrenched in technology that threatens to rob us of the very thing for which we were created and called of God.  We ourselves need balance and discipline here every bit as much as our kids do.  And while we don't have to have it all figured out before we start addressing this in our homes, we definitely need to be taking these issues seriously for our personal lives and making some hard choices day in and day out.  More about that next time. 

SEND A SUGGESTION--WIN A BOOK: If you have a great idea about how to help your kids manage screen time, please send  an email with your idea plus your name and address to: tricia@soulatrest.com.   I will choose three of the best to receive a free copy of my book: Sacred Chaos: Spiritual Disciplines for the Life you Have.    

MAMAS DON’T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE TECH-ZOMBIES

The other day I was chatting with a friend who is at his wits end with his 15-year-old.  Lamenting that his son had gotten to the point where he didn’t want to do anything but stay in his room and text friends, watch movies or play video games, my friend said he felt helpless to change things.  Every time they've tried to limit screen time for this typical teenager, not only has he become anxious and out of sorts, but the least little thing would set him off and he’d rage around the house making everyone miserable.  Grasping at straws, this frustrated mom and dad had finally put their foot down and told their son he was going to be involved in some sport the next year in school, making him so angry that he is now refusing to speak to any of them at all.   

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Your generation stands in the middle of a massive shift from an analog to a digital world that affects every part of our lives, and no one has really had enough time to thoroughly think through how to handle it, or what the outcome might be if we get it wrong for these digital natives. 

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I have never ventured into parenting advice in this blog, but because I keep hearing stories and complaints like these, and in light of some things I learned  doing research for my new book, The Wired Soul: Finding Spiritual Balance in a Hyper-Connected World (not due for release until Summer, 2016), I felt compelled to share a few thoughts.  My passion is spiritual formation for Christ-followers, and honestly--this couldn't be more relevant.  If this doesn’t apply to your life situation, perhaps you can pass it on—someone will be glad you did! 

If you have kids anywhere from one to eighteen, I believe

their ever-increasing compulsion to engage with technology--smartphones, computers, tablets, video games etc.-- is the greatest parenting challenge you face.  As I shared with my troubled friend that day—your generation stands in the middle of a massive shift from an analog to a digital world that affects every part of our lives, and no one has really had enough time to thoroughly think through how to handle it, or what the outcome might be if we get it wrong for these digital natives.  A decade or two from now there will be an abundance of information and evidence, but for now we only know bits and pieces, so parents have to stumble along trying to figure it out as they go.  

To make matters worse, things are changing at such an exponential speed that decisions and plans today will be obsolete within a few months and you’ll have to renegotiate the entire process once again.  For example, do you have any idea what you will do when the Oculus VR becomes a household “must-have,” as it soon will, according to Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg? (If you haven’t heard of it, go ahead and Google it or click here to read Zuckerberg’s comments.
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To make matters worse, things are changing at such an exponential speed that decisions and plans today will be obsolete within a few months and you'll have to renegotiate the entire process once again. 

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Over the next few posts I am going to share three things that may be helpful for those  parents dealing with digital issues on a daily basis.  This post will explore why this behavioral issue is different from any other and therefore demands a clear, coherent parental strategy, the next will look at what is at stake, particularly for your child’s spiritual well-being if you don’t forge one now, and the final post will offer some practical tips on how to go about doing so. 

WHY THIS IS SO DIFFERENT

Neuroscience has made amazing strides in understanding how the brain works over the past couple of decades, which I shared in an earlier blog.  In short, our brains have the property of plasticity, which means they are constantly changing based on what we do throughout our day.  When we engage in a certain behavior over and over again, neural pathways are laid down in our brains that set a pattern for how we act, whether we are aware of it or not.  This is how you established habits like brushing your teeth or riding a bike, so that now you can do them without even thinking. 

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The more your kids are digitally occupied, the more they will crave the kinds of connections that can only be found via technology. 

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So what kinds of neural pathways are being laid down when your child engages with a screen of any sort?  Ones that support constant movement, fast mental shifting, shallow thinking, dullness and short attention spans.  And because technology so thoroughly reinforces this conglomeration of behaviors, kids (and adults as well) will come to "need" continual stimulation, and as a result,  feel as if they can’t do without their device of choice.  

No one wants to use the word addiction, because we know that we can't live in the 21st century and not be digitally engaged.  And let’s face it—what parent doesn’t need the break that these devices provide as they captivate your kids so completely?  All of this makes it easy to just give in and give up on trying to impose any kind of discipline regarding them.

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Let's face it--what parent doesn't need the break that these devices provide as they captivate your kids so completely?

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PLEASE. DON’T. GIVE. UP.  The risks are just too high.  In the next post I’ll share some of what is at stake for your kids and our culture if parents don’t grab this bull by the horns and corral it now on behalf of these digital natives who have known no other kind of life.  

But for now,  be encouraged with the fact that no matter how old your kids are, or out of control things seem, no matter how frustrated you feel or what mistakes you may think you’ve made, it is never too late.  
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Any child's (or adult's) brain can be rewired for digital balance, and this is really good news.  

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Any child's (or adult's) brain can be rewired for digital balance and this is really good news.  It may not be easy, and in fact will take a ton of courage and determination, but I promise you that you can turn things around once you have a clear strategy in place.  More about that in a later post.